give an inch

Take a mile.

Guess who has too much free time today!

parent of the year award

I've got the perfect candidate for 2007's "Parent of the Year" (tm).

How about this one?

A College Park woman who drove around a group of teenage boys as they broke into South Fulton homes pleaded guilty to burglary Wednesday in a Fulton County courtroom.

Surprisingly, there are still teachers and community members who wonder how kids these days can be so gosh dern irresponsible.

business proposal

How lucrative do you think that stealing 500+ parking meters would be? Most of us realize that it would be chump change. Not worth the risk of imprisonment for a handful of quarters. But I have a much better idea.

First, we have to start a legitimate business. Let's start an importation business. One that imports parking meters, say. And then we bid out to the local Atlanta government to replace broken/stolen/lost meters. Not enough business you say? Wait, there's more.

The second phase of our strategy requires that we contract with a shady business to "service" existing meters. Service as in "with hacksaws." This partnership would understandably be explicitly unwritten and consist mostly of nods exchanged across a public area, such as a park or a restaurant.

Don't think it would work? Let's see...

Despite the thefts, little is being done to catch the parking meter pirates.

That's because city officials do not file police reports on the stolen meters, Jennings said. The city's police department said thefts that are not reported are not investigated.

"Well, we certainly note it in our inventory that the meters have been lost," she said. "It's a loss of inventory for us, similar to any other asset we would lose."

They don't seem to mind. Why should we?

to bucky...

Congratulations, Bucky!

I'm all for sacking career politicians. Don't become one yourself, Mr. Johnson.

i'm praying, too!!

Looks like our governor down here in Georgia has developed a solution to our water woes. No, it's not anything like sending in the Georgia National Guard to close the dam at Lake Lanier or shutting off water at single residences that consume 440,000 gallons per month. It's something much more innovative and likely to be effective. Here, read an except!

More than 250 faith-filled Georgians joined Gov. Sonny Perdue outside the Capitol this morning to pray for the rain needed to end the area's historic drought.

Perdue asked them to "reverently and respectfully pray up a storm."

Full article here.

Seems to be the safe route if you ask me.
Rain = God's will.
No rain = God's will.
He can't be wrong!

Well, I'm praying, too! Praying for a new governor.

no way!

Looks like our old band director from Georgia Tech has political aspirations. I guess the hair plugs really did do something to his brain.

Click To Play

double barreled slingshot

A vast majority of females in our country are locked, loaded, and ready to kill. Just ask this lady.

The 70's are back! Let those ladies out, ladies! Woo woo!

I guess they don't call them bazookas for nothing.

b's candidate

Just took one of those online quizzes. I'm such a sucker for those. My favorite was what type of PMSer are you or something to that effect. I think I got something like "mega-bitch" or something else ominous sounding.

This time, I resorted to an online political quiz. It asks you a few questions about whether an issue is important to you and asks you to rank it's priority. Then, it tries to match up which current candidate in the dog and pony show we call the presidential race matches you the most.

Yay, just what we need. An even longer presidential candidate race to focus your attention on the equivalent of a less-than-entertaining mud-wrestling show while the current elected officials wreak havoc while everyone is distracted.

My result? Looks like I'm 78% Ron Paul. I guess the other 22% is my enormous ego. After all, I am blogging like people care to read this. Go figure, the ex-Libertarian is the choice of a Libertarian Party member. It's interesting that every political quiz I take pegs me somewhere in the vicinity of a moderate-Republican / Libertarian voter.

Dead last on my list? Hillary Clinton. Good. More than fantastic. Fanfuckingtastic!

Number two for me was Fred Thompson. Hey, he does a good job as a DA in New York.

sloganator

It looks like the inbred city of Woodstock slightly to the north of me is looking for a slogan. I'm not a citizen of the city, but I think I have a good idea or two. Try these on for size.

1. Where bigots go to die.
2. Hey! We don't have as many black people as Marietta.
3. After awhile, you stop giggling at our city name.
4. No, Jimi Hendrix didn't play here. But his sister did!
5. We're not just a cute little yellow bird.
6. Do you have teeth? You're in!!

Okay, they're not great. Any better suggestions?

grr, arg

Just thought I'd drop in to update on my current educational saga.

Here is the rather timid response I received earlier this afternoon.

Thanks for your input. I've read your comments and will take them under consideration. However, for the first nine weeks of this semester teachers with 3rd period planning will have lunch duty similar to what was outlined at the meeting. I have had numerous teachers make suggestions and I will outline the duty rosters in another email that will include all teachers with 3rd period planning. I appreciate your support and understanding in this matter. I will make sure your duty station is in the magnet courtyard, if you so desire.

Allow me to dissect the response.

Thanks for your input. I've read your comments and will take them under consideration.

I took a few minutes to scan your document.

However, for the first nine weeks of this semester teachers with 3rd period planning will have lunch duty similar to what was outlined at the meeting.

What I read makes more work for me so I'll choose to ignore them for now.

I have had numerous teachers make suggestions and I will outline the duty rosters in another email that will include all teachers with 3rd period planning.

You're not the only one squawking so don't feel badly that I am ignoring you. You're not the only one I'm ignoring.

I appreciate your support and understanding in this matter.

It'd be nice if you just shut the hell up and stopped making this difficult for me.

I will make sure your duty station is in the magnet courtyard, if you so desire.

If it'll make you happy, I'll give you an easy post. Whatever it takes to placate you so you don't get other people's feathers ruffled.

Why wait 9 weeks? It didn't take you that long to make this decision. Why should it take that long to choose some other possibility? And you can't answer "because I don't want to."

This issue is not over.

the dude does not abide

This aggression will not stand, man!

How do you ruin a whole week on the first day? Tell me, one of the unlucky few that won 3rd block planning through one of Satan's slot machines, that people with this formerly fortunate ailment are going to have to turn over even more of their precious time "for the good of the school." Why? Because they need more supervision (aka babysitters) in the cafeteria. Makes you feel super, don't it?

For those not in the know, our school is on a 4x4 block schedule. It was dreamed up by some hippies out in California from what I've heard and as soon as it failed to pass muster there it was immediately adopted here on the east coast. That follows other educational trends, but I digress.

The 4x4 block works by having students take four classes per semester, each for 90 minutes a day. They get four completely new classes in the spring. It has its pros and cons like any schedule, but for me in science the pros definitely outweigh the cons. Anyhow, students are provided with a 30 minute lunch period during their 3rd block class each day in four shifts. These are called A, B, C, and E (fooled you! it is D) lunches. That makes 3rd block two hours long with B and C lunch having a 30 minute break, one of the cons of the system.

Each full-time teacher is given a schedule with 3 classes and one planning period. They are also provided with a 30 minute lunch. Effectively, each teacher would have two hours each day for these activities, including those on 3rd block. So why did it at one time seem to be advantageous to have 3rd planning?

Lunch is during 3rd block. It can never be shortened because the law requires us to feed the children. You can't serve food faster or ask the kids to eat faster so 3rd block never gets cut. Not for homeroom, not for pep rallies, not for assemblies. Even on the rare early release days when the kids leave 2 hours earlier than usual 3rd block is still 2 full hours. Nice, right? Well, when you crunch the numbers, each person on 3rd block gets a whole 3 hours of extra time. Woo! 3 hours! Maybe I can finally shine my shoes with all of that extra time. Not to say it's nothing. It is something. But scheduling is done by a scheduling committee and a computer program so getting this extra time is like winning the lottery, not something you have a lot of influence over. And very rarely does someone have the same schedule every year, the love gets rotated around.

But this year is the year for change, by golly! We've got a problem and these guys are an easy target for our solution with their 3 whole extra hours each semester and a perfect schedule to help us out.

I'd go through a lot of my problems with this here but I've already drafted my response to their proposal. As a matter of fact, I am proud to say that productivity was lost by these guys today because I spent part of my work day writing this up.

Here is the rough draft.

I have two major problems with this proposal that aren't related to the proposal but rather to people involved.

My first beef is with the affected people. I was the only one with the testicular fortitude to say something in the meeting where they announced this plan. Not only that, I was continuously the only one to speak on the behalf of about 20 people that were being shat upon. I got some nods, but what a bunch of pussies. I need some support people. I'm not asking for a union here, just some justice. And not just for me. For you too. Help me out here.

My second beef is with an administration that doesn't have a single person that stood up and stated adamantly something along the lines of "you can't do this to my people."

Is there such a thing as "buyer's remorse" for someone that signed a year-long contract last April? Because that's what I think I'm feeling.

You want to know the real reason public education is a waste? You have fourth-tier managers running the show and people that have intelligence and other alternatives see through this. Those people tend to leave. What are you left with? That's who is most likely teaching your youths.

There. I just saved billions of dollars for educational research with five sentences.

tiered justice system

Can I register my home as a congressional office? Seriously? Is there any senator or representative out there that wouldn't mind setting up a filing cabinet and a desk or two downstairs in my basement? You don't have to keep much here, just a few useless papers, maybe some stationary. That way, when the police or FBI or whomever shows up at the door with a warrant I can proudly tell them that they aren't allowed in because it may intrude upon the congress members duties. I could have a closet full of dead hookers (I may already!) and there wouldn't be a thing they could do about it according to a recent ruling.

excerpt

Jefferson argued that the first-of-its-kind raid trampled congressional independence. The Constitution prohibits the executive branch from using its law enforcement powers to interfere with the lawmaking process. The Justice Department said that declaring the search unconstitutional would essentially prohibit the FBI from ever looking at a lawmaker's documents.

What?! Ever? Whatever!

They found $90000 wrapped in aluminum foil in this guy's freezer. Is that off limits too because it was next to the congressional ice and the lawmaker's Lean Cuisines? He needs ice for his beverages so he can continue his filibuster and frozen dinners because a man's gotta eat even if he is watching his waist line. That means this freezer is off limits, Mr. D.A., A.G. (or who-ever-the-hell prosecutes representatives).

So what's the real problem here? I'll tell you. It's idiots playing fast and loose with the English language. It's the same judicial phenomenon as in Kelo vs. New London when "public use" became distorted into the more vague term "public purpose." In that case public purpose means nothing more than higher government revenues and maybe an extra half-acre of premium green park-space somewhere amongst the high-rises, but I digress. This case is not too different. A rule in the Constitution barring arrest and other impediments to a congress-person showing up for their job is being "interpreted" as "oh by the way, you can't look at any of the stuff in my office."

They shall in all Cases, except Treason, Felony and Breach of the Peace, be privileged from Arrest during their Attendance at the Session of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any Speech or Debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other Place.

See? Back in the day, it was not unheard of for lawmakers to be detained in order to keep them from voting on important matters, filing amendments, debating bills, etc. so they wrote in a provision making it illegal to interfere with that process. So the obvious solution here? Let's expand that statement to include assorted paperwork and such in the dude's office. Oh, and don't forget to totally ignore the part that says except Treason, Felony and Breach of the Peace."

Last I checked, when the police show up at my door with a search warrant, I don't get to reschedule their search. That'd be retarded. I'd have moved the bodies by the time they came back. So why does the law apply to us Regular Joes one way and another to an "ultra-important" congressman? No! Fuck that! There isn't anything in your office Mr. Congressman that shouldn't be made instantly available for public scrutiny. Who do you work for? Oh yeah! Me! Your fucking boss along with millions of other taxpayers. Who pays your salary? You want the hundred grand in the freezer instead? Work for someone else, maybe the person that gave it to you, but have the decency to at least put in your resignation first.

Where is the outrage? I know it's trite and overused, but tell me this wouldn't have played out differently in the news if this had been a Republican. Or a white dude. Don't get pissy! The Democrats are the ones that pulled out the race card. Read the article if you want proof.

Following his indictment, Jefferson's supporters accused the Bush administration of targeting black Democrats to shift attention from the legal troubles of Republican congressmen.

Yeah, that was the plan. Look at how well it worked. Third rate ranking on the CNN page below top stories such as Madonna's latest adoption woes and Ving Rhames' dogs mauling a guy. "You 'Publicans are so mean tossing this fucker to the dogs just to cover your own scent!" Eat my ass conspiracy mongers. This type of argument should be left to professional third graders, not a person put in office by his/her electorate. Give me a break.

In other justice news, do you think Vick has a chance in hell of spending even one night in jail? I think the answer is no, a la O.J., as in he has enough money to pay a defense to effectively confuse the hell out of everyone in the courtroom to the point that they think he's really being accused of mixing Fruit Loops with Cheerios and not using skim milk. "If the rape stand does not fit, you must acquit!" But then again, it seems that not even Paris Hilton had enough money to elude jail time. But that was all planned for publicity. Stop yourself. You're starting to sound like a conspiracy monger yourself.

And by the way, anyone want to join the union with me? Stupid.

this can't be serious

Is there really one person in the world that believes that the Earth is motionless and all other celestial activity occurs around this stationary planet? Sort of like one of those ecosystem globe thingys with the baby shrimp and algae and sticks in them? This really is a practical joke, right? Sort of like the South Park where Cartman pretended his hand puppet Jennifer Lopez was for real until the end when his friends finally believed him and he finally broke the joke and exposed their gullibility, right?

I guess those NASA scientists were secretly using the Bible and not genuine rocket science and other principles of physics. They prayed the shuttle into space and to the moon. Am I really supposed to believe that an all-powerful God is dumb enough to engineer things the hard way?

how did i let myself miss this?

Watch this video. If you haven't already seen it that is.

I probably could have gone to the premiere if I had tried. I thought 15 minutes of ATHF was enough, didn't know how they could make a feature movie out of it, but apparently this is how. And I now understand why it was rated R. I'm seeing if it's at the dollar theater right now, gotta go.

Now leave a comment or I will cut you up with a linoleum knife!

thoughts on gun control

Excerpt from an article in today's AJC:

A Marietta man was arrested overnight for allegedly stabbing and killing his mother during an argument over washing dishes.
...

“It started at the dinner table,” Bishop said. “The mother had asked her son to do the dishes and they got into an argument about doing the dishes.”

Bishop said Walker then struck his mother, and when she threatened to call police, “he went and retrieved a knife and started stabbing her.”

Stories like this only serve to confirm my personal philosophy on gun control...

Guns don't kill people, crazy motherfuckers do!
Yeah, sometimes they have a gun but most other times they just find whatever else will work.

eureka!

Don Herbert, dead at 89.

It's probably at least partly his fault I ended up choosing to teach science. I remember when we first got cable and I discovered his show on Nickelodeon, when they weren't so hell bent on creating retarded shows for retarded kids (as in, at least this show didn't grossly underestimate the intelligence of kids). Mr. Wizard's World came on at 6 am and that's what time my alarm clock went off. I was the first one up in the house every day so I could watch a freakin' nerd show.

I learned so much from that show that I didn't realize until a few years ago when I caught a rerun. First, I realized I knew the episode. Second, I realized that this show was where I learned that columns of liquid can exert a great pressure. It was one where a girl was trying to suck grape juice or something purple up clear tubing from a three story or so window. Third, I realized that it probably wasn't an accident that they picked a girl to suck on a long straw. You nasty, Mr. Wizard!

I left an episode as part of my substitute plans my first year I taught. They hated it. Guess it's because of 80's hair, lack of half-nudity, or cameras that maintain a shot for more than 3 seconds. Thank you MTV.

I am sad now. Here's the frowny face to prove it. :-(

b.s.

Don't tell me I'm going to get what I'm looking for when I can't even find your website Mr./Ms./Mrs./Dr. ask.com. I've been getting timeout errors for more than 10 minutes.

Yay Google!

how is this not huge news?

link to story

Hugo Chavez takes over one of the largest private television stations and makes it a government station and not a peep on the major news outlets.

I had to search for it rather blatantly after a friend mentioned it to me.

But this is the top story on CNN.

WTF?

happy birthday T!

I pity the fool that don't tell Mr. T to have a happy birthday!

embracing mediocrity

From the desk of Superintendent Propaganda:

This week we announced that 77 percent of our eighth graders had “met” or “exceeded” expectations on a new statewide writing test. At first this may sound like a rather average percentage, and not much to brag about, but this is a brand new statewide writing test. Students typically do worse on the administration of a new test, especially one that has toughened its standards. So, 77 percent was not unexpected. But it gets more interesting when you compare the performance of Cobb’s students to the passing percentages of metro Atlanta school districts (69 percent) and the statewide average (67 percent). Suddenly, you begin to see what an outstanding performance it really was.

Oh yes, it is absolutely outstanding. Thanks for the pat on the back. Only 77% of our students could pass a test that has been so watered down so that illiterate people could pass it. No, really, I've seen the rubric. If I can manage to get a copy into pdf format, I'll include a link.

To be honest, if you consider that probably more than 23% of the students in the county are non-English speaking then having some of them that can pass it is actually somewhat astounding.

nappy-headed ho

Here's your real nappy-headed Ho!

liquor in the front, poker in the rear

Excerpt from today's AJC: (story here)

The raid on a home on Nesbit Ridge Drive near Centennial High School capped a six-month investigation into the operation, which police said charged players $10,000 to enter the weekly, Monday night games of Texas Hold'em and other games.

Roswell police Sgt. B.C. Brackett said that when officers entered the house overnight, they found players gambling around three tables in the basement of the house.

Those arrested were "from all walks of life," Brackett said. At least two men arrested were from out of town, one from Savannah and the other from Macon, he said.

Two women hired to serve drinks were among those arrested.

Officers also impounded more than 20 cars parked along the street outside the house. The investigation began after neighbors complained about traffic in the otherwise quiet neighborhood.

Oh my God! Did you make sure you read what the police discovered when they came in?

"when officers entered the house overnight, they found players gambling around three tables in the basement of the house"

Holy craps table, Batman! I hope they brought the SWAT team in for this one! (Sadly, they probably did.)

I enjoy a good poker game with friends from time to time. We tend to put up $10-20 to buy in, mostly because people bet somewhat more cautiously than when there's no money on the line making it a more realistic game. It's somewhat less fun when someone goes "all in" with a pair of five's and could care less when they get booted from the game. I guess that's all going to end the moment the fuzz finds out.

How is having a high-stakes poker game at your house the business of the government? No business is making money. Everyone has likely already paid taxes on the money that is exchanging hands so the government has gotten "their share." (Actually, the gov't lost tax expenditures, but this isn't a lesson in accounting/econ.)

Seriously, what's the big deal? So John came with ten grand, left with 100 big ones. Why is this anyone's business besides that of John and the poor saps who lost 10k?

It's not. Plain and simple.

But the real issue for government is that they're not getting their share of something that has been deemed a vice. And as we all know, vices must be taxed to hell. God forbid anyone have any fun in this country without paying their dues.

For example, did you know that in many states, especially Georgia, a beer/wine/liquor manufacturer may not under any circumstances sell any of their product to consumers? What!? Can't sell to the people who want to buy it? No. In Georgia and other states, it seems that the distributors have the politicians in their back pocket to ensure that they have a "monopoly." But surely there must be multiple distributors? Yes, and no. You are only allowed to do business with one distributor, they get to distribute your product as much or as little as they would like. See Atlanta Brewing Company as an example. After much struggle they were finally allowed to sign with a new distributor and now they are finally gaining a bit of traction in the local market. What could be the reason for what most economists would consider really bad marketing strategy?

It's for the kids! We have to protect the children! OMG, what if a child consumed an alcoholic beverage? They'd probably end up autistic (everyone's favorite pet disease for their children these days, along with all of it's derivatives like Asperger's, etc.) or they might get behind the wheel of a bicycle and do some real damage.

No, the real issue is that distributors have a guaranteed job and government gets to tax every drop of sweet nectar that's sold. The manufacturer has to pay taxes on the ingredients, on the income from the sale, on hiring labor; the distributor pays taxes at least on labor and income if nothing else; so does the retailer; and finally, the consumer pays a god-awful liquor tax when they purchase it. How many different taxes end up being paid on the same damn item? The short answer is too many. And to be honest, no one really pays the taxes but the end consumer. From the retailer all of the way up to the ingredient supplier, all of the taxes get rolled into the next guy's price until there is no next guy. That'd be you Mr./Ms. Consumer. So how much tax ends up getting paid by the consumer? Once again, the short version is too much, mostly because anything they earned as income from working to buy the 6-pack already got taxed to hell to begin with.

So at the end of the rant, what's the message? Is it that poker games between friends should be perfectly legal? Yes and no. Is it that alcoholic beverages should be taxed less? No. It's really an issue of pointing out that there is an easier way for government to make sure they get their money. A method that doesn't make criminals out of honest friends, doesn't end up totally screwing the end consumer, and one that practically eliminates government's need to know everything about everyone's business to begin with.

Well, cross off that last one, I don't think we'll ever get that lucky even with the FairTax. There's always fetuses to save, gay sex to stop, and more money in your wallet than the gov't knows what to do with.

ha ha, april is here!

When I got around to logging into gmail to check my e-mail today, I actually took a second to pay attention to what was to the left of the login box. Gmail is always touting their new features and some of them have actually been somewhat useful, in some cases almost as useful as 2GB of free e-mail storage space. But I am absolutely ecstatic about the newest addition to the offering lineup! Check it out, it's Gmail paper! Remove the impersonality of e-mail by having them all printed and shipped to you, completely free of charge! Google always has the cure for what ails ya'! Now only if I hadn't been an idiot thinking $100/share was the most retarded IPO asking price for an internet company since 1999.

best kind of news

I love these stories about home invaders breaking into someone's house and leaving in a black vinyl bag. Piss on you pansy pants pinko punks that think that gun ownership is the devil.

beer and hockey

Thrashers finally win one and I get to relax with a few brews. Two of my favorite things. They rank right up there with steak, poontang, warm socks, dark chocolate, snow, puppies, widgets, smart kids, things that smell good, bowling, ramma-ramma-ding-dong, elements that start with T, artificial sweetners, double-12 dominoes, dental floss, garbage disposals, online banking, wandering the aisles aimlessly in The Home Depot, nineteen, Snap, Crackle, but certainly not Pop, traffic cones, indoor plumbing, guys who lift the seat at public restrooms, lipstick lesbians, deadly force against criminals caught in the act, clean motor oil, words that rhyme with purple, Regis Philbin ties, salmonella-free PB, air hockey, and hot now doughnuts.

Go Thrashers!

green is the new black

You Are Heineken

You appreciate a good beer, but you're not a snob about it. You like your beer mild and easy to drink, so you can concentrate on being drunk. Overall, you're a friendly drunk who's likely to buy a whole round for your friends... many times. Sometimes you can be a bit boring when you drink. You may be prone to go on about topics no one cares about.

What's Your Beer Personality?

Not a big Heiny fan but I'll drink it when the only other options are Bud and Miller. A better green bottle beer would be Stella, or Urquell. And I'll buy a round as long as I know my company will return the favor sometime.

i'm a sucker for these, too

You Are Most Like Ronald Reagan

People tend to think you're a god - or that you almost ruined the country. But even if people do disagree with you, they still fall victim to your charms!

What Modern US President Are You Most Like?

Good thing it doesn't include VPs considering all of those times I shot my friends in the face.

don't vote for crack, vote for smack

Playing around on the internet, I found this site that gives you a 9th grade version of the chemistry of your brain on a number of popular recreational drugs. If nothing else, you get to toss mice around like a Real Lab Scientist. If you know anything about brain chemistry you'll understand why some of these seem pretty fun but also extremely stupid. I always plead with my students at least once a semester to save that crap for college where they've at least finished the bulk of their development from the teenage years.

subtle

Didn't watch the State of the Union. I prefer to read the summary the next day because I can't stand the incessant applause when all I want is for the speech to continue. But I couldn't help but miss the tag line on CBS for the "Democrat response" when I was flipping channels. It was titled "Democratic Response." As if the speech were un-democratic. Fascist or something? Har har. That's hilarious Mr./Ms. Staffer! Retards. Don't worry, the channel has already been changed. Not that there's anything good on TV right now anyhow.