Billy Idol never sang about this one.
First, it's not a first wedding. Oddly that goes first. Cousin's wedding. Won't get too particular so I don't get sued. Didn't want to go, figured I'd just go to the third.
Second, male processional accompanied by country tune on stereo boombox. I didn't even know they had male processionals. Much less one that played for 3-plus minutes when it takes 10 seconds to walk out a side door and stand up front. Awkward wait follows.
Third, being given away by 3-yr old child from the first marriage. Asked him if he'd "give this woman in marraige." He says "no." Grimaces of pain from holding back maniacal laughter quickly ensue.
Fourth, catering by ex-step-mom-in-law. If that relation makes any sense to you, you'd probably understand why I stuck to third-party wedding cake.
Fifth, redneck friends royally f-up brand new Boxy Monstrosity SUV. This includes hiding sardines somewhere unknown, maybe under one of the many car seats, and pouring bubble solution in AC vents. When asked why, simple response of "so it'll blow bubbles when they turn it on."
Yay, maybe I can have this much fun on my next first weekend without school-related extracurricular events.