Can reincarnation happen before you're dead?
Maybe they're right when they say history repeats itself. I just didn't expect it so quickly or in the immediate family.
Is it bad when you start comparing family members to one another? That might be cause for bad karma but I'll risk it anyway.
Is it bad when you can't learn from the mistakes of others? Maybe it's just too hard when you're caught up in the situation. Perhaps it requires being an outsider to make a decent, non-subjective observation or two.
What I'm trying to get to is that I think that my cousin is ending up exactly like my dad. I don't think it's intentional, just like I don't think my dad intentionally screwed up his life. It just kind of happened through some network in the decision making matrices encountered through life. It's easy to get lost in once you get off of a good path.
My poor cousin. I love the guy to death. We're practically brothers and pretty much grew up as such, despite the whole not having the same parents thing. I feel like I should have been there for him a little better than I have been lately. Stereotype modern-day love life. Falls in love, gets married, has a kid, gets divorced. Turns out she's with the ex-"best friend" now. Guy was always shady anyhow. Not that I blame him, just saying he was sketchy.
Well, that's the quick version of how to get to now. Same thing happened to my dad. Sort of. Perhaps in a slightly different order, but I digress. (I'm trying to say that the 'conceiving a kid' part might not necessarily be after the 'gets married' part but that's not abundantly clear) Then after the big D, the slide into the self-destructive decision-making process.
For my dad, it was a woman named Vicky. She had three kids, probably by different dads.
For my cousin, it's the new girl. (name withheld for whatever reason) She has three kids, definitely by different dads.
My dad, got married to the lady.
Cousin? Reportedly going to marry the girl. Haven't heard it from him, but from his brother.
My dad? Ended up with a second divorce.
Cousin? Who knows, but if the prophecy is holding true thus far...
I guess I could really care less what he does. It's his life, I'm not his father, blah blah blah, etc. But the one I worry about in this situation is my cousin's son. I'm just afraid that the same shit is going to happen with him that happened to me. The only thing is, he doesn't have a good mom to fall back on like I did.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's right. Like I said, I haven't been too good of a "brother" lately to really know all. I just know my gut feeling from my interactions with the new couple. All of this crap in my cousin's life started when a lot of new stuff was going on in my life. Starting a new job, getting married, getting a new house. We saw each other a lot when we played in a band together, but that broke up just a little before the proverbial feces hit the oscillator as well. I guess the drive time and all just finally got the best of me. It's not an excuse, just a reason.
I guess not growing up with real siblings, it's kind of hard for me to know what to do. What does the good brother do? Do they try to make sure the other one knows what they're getting into? Or do they just let it be and let time decide? Is it easier or better to be a dick upfront and be wrong, or to just keep your mouth shut and secretly think "see, I knew it!"?
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2 comments:
If you told your cousin exactly what you think, do you think it would make a difference? Do you think he'd slap his palm to his forehead and say, "My God, you're right!" And then dump the girl he's with, go get a degree in accounting, marry a nice girl with a good job and no kids?
Or do you think he'll tell you to fuck off because what do you know about it anyway, you've got a charmed life and who are you to tell him what's what?
I don't know, man. It's a fine line. You don't do the people you love any favors by standing idly by while they fuck up their lives. But ultimately, you can't really influence their decisions unless they put you in a position to do so themselves. And trying to do so may just drive them further down whatever stupid path they're on.
Try to be nice to the new wife, be there for your cousin if he lets you, be honest if he asks your opinion (he probably won't), and most importantly, be a good "uncle" to his son whenever you get the chance.
Yeah, I just decided "screw it" was pretty much the response to have. I was just having one of those feminine moments where you think you can change someone. After actually thinking about it for a little while, I figured, why get myself all screwed up in someone elses mess?
As a more recent update, they're not together anymore. You know, a few battery charges and arrests later, everything is all better.
Man, this really is playing out more and more like my dad everyday.
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