I'm Starting to Wake Up

The Matrix presents an interesting view on the monotony of modern urban society.

Fight Club questions the role of the male figure in the modern urban society.

And these are only two movies in a list that could continue on for ages.

Maybe it's all of the science fiction I've been reading lately. Maybe it's the clean air I've been breathing. But, I've been thinking.

I've been thinking. I'm not really passionate about my job. I'm passionate about the content and I'm passionate about a handful of the kids and I'm passionate about the clubs I sponsor. But the job, not really that into it. Every day, I wake up and go to work. I hate that part. It's not too bad when I get there, I just don't want to get there to begin with. Perhaps it's the fact that I have to be there at a very specific time, every single day, monotony monotony monotony. I don't interpret it positively when you fantasize about not going to work when you are driving to work. Driving straight instead of making that left turn and then not correcting the mistake in navigation at the next intersection. I'm too cynical and I'm too much invested into the belief that it's not my job to motivate young adults to do their homework and study. There's too strong of a belief in intrinsic motivation but all most of them worry about is the extrinsic motivator called "grades." I feel that I lack the communication skills to connect with a lot of the kids, likely too stoic from all of the afternoons spent alone as a latchkey kid or maybe because I don't have kids of my own. Or maybe I'm just oblivious and I'm all wrong. Besides, I'd probably feel like this no matter what I was doing.

And I'm not too excited about Atlanta. It's a neat town and all, and it's all big and metropolitan. I'm just not too crazy about it. I feel an urge to move every time I go out of town. I catch myself looking for real estate guides subconciously.

Brain: Oh, look! A real estate guide.

Thumb and finger:turn page...turn page...turn page...

Brain: reading...reading...

Me: Dammit! Why am I looking at a real estate guide?

But, I find myself thinking. And I think that's something I don't usually do.