PDA

We're not talking Palm Pilots here.

We're talking about "Public Display of Affection."

To some degree, I'm okay with it. There are certainly boundaries. How do you quantify them, though?

Is hugging okay? Oregon says no. I say yes, but...

But there exist different types of hugs.

There's the hey buddy hug, most common among females. Guys tend to think hugging of this type means they're gay and they're right. Sometimes this types of hug can occur between members of the opposite sex as well.

There's the see ya' later hug. Similar to the hey buddy hug except used at the end of a meeting rather than at the beginning. Otherwise, completely the same. Guy-guy hugs of this type are also rare.

Then there's the I'm sorry hug, also known as the I know how it feels hug. Often used in situations such as displaying sympathy for that bad test grade, or maybe not making the cut for the swim team. This type of hug is most commonly initiated by one person and consists of one arm around the shoulder approached from the hug receiver's side. Sometimes, the huggers hand doesn't so much grasp the receivers shoulder as it does pat the shoulder, especially among males. It can have more meanings such as "hang in there", "it'll be okay", etc.

Then there's the I'm so in love with you hug. It's probably misnamed because it should probably be called the my hormones are raging and I really need some sexual attention from a member of my preferred sex because I'm so damned horny hug because most teenagers only think that it's love that's making them want to do really nasty (and fun) things to one another, but that name is just too long. These hugs are generally the type that I think that these PDA policies are aimed at. These hugs are generally full front-front hugs and tend to last for a longer duration than any of the previous types. For the really unabashed, it can also be accompanied by kisses of variable duration. Some keep it to reasonable (and sometimes cute) pecks while others tend to prefer the long, extended, probably tongue involved versions. At least the former tends not to make me lose my breakfast. There are other variations. There can also exist the front-back style, especially when seated together. Generally this type seats the male behind the female where she pretty much treats him like a barcalounger. These also exist while standing and are typically amusing when in motion as the guy looks really awkward trying to walk in such a non-standard posture as to avoid tripping over the companion's feet. I think that the hug policies for this type of affection is generally enforced to help the huggers better determine the appropriate time and place for their displays. Of course, if it's two hot chicks involved, I'm probably just going to sit back and watch instead because it's always the right time and place for that.

I am probably neglecting other types of hugs as well, but they are not as common among middle and high school students so I have omitted them purposely. But as you can see, it is difficult to draw the lines to distingush between the types. The lesser types are probably just "gateway hugs" that will simply lead to the harder stuff later down the road. So, obviously we need to institute the zero tolerance hug policy. "Just say no to hugs."

Unless of course you're two (or more, thank you Jesus!) really hot chicks.