i'm a sucker for these, too

You Are Most Like Ronald Reagan

People tend to think you're a god - or that you almost ruined the country. But even if people do disagree with you, they still fall victim to your charms!

What Modern US President Are You Most Like?

Good thing it doesn't include VPs considering all of those times I shot my friends in the face.

don't vote for crack, vote for smack

Playing around on the internet, I found this site that gives you a 9th grade version of the chemistry of your brain on a number of popular recreational drugs. If nothing else, you get to toss mice around like a Real Lab Scientist. If you know anything about brain chemistry you'll understand why some of these seem pretty fun but also extremely stupid. I always plead with my students at least once a semester to save that crap for college where they've at least finished the bulk of their development from the teenage years.

subtle

Didn't watch the State of the Union. I prefer to read the summary the next day because I can't stand the incessant applause when all I want is for the speech to continue. But I couldn't help but miss the tag line on CBS for the "Democrat response" when I was flipping channels. It was titled "Democratic Response." As if the speech were un-democratic. Fascist or something? Har har. That's hilarious Mr./Ms. Staffer! Retards. Don't worry, the channel has already been changed. Not that there's anything good on TV right now anyhow.

excuses

Reggie Ball gets a 'D'. Unfortunately, it's not a 'D' of the variety that will save his ass when he's sucking it up on the field.

early christmas 2006

Best news I've heard all month.

It's the forced coaching decision that should have been made voluntarily more than a month ago during game play against Georgia. I guess I'll have to beleive in divine intervention, even if it only happens either during Hannukkah or right before Christmas.

Just A Good Ol' Boy

Does this sound the least bit shady?

Wouldn't be an issue under the Fair Tax.

get perpendicular!

What do you get when you cross nerds, SchoolHouse Rock, bad 70's jive music, a marketing team with too much crack rock, and a creative department with too much time on their hands?

The answer is here.

meme? isn't that what some kids call their grandma?

B's making me do this. At gun point, no less, so I apologize in advance for the sweat on the keyboard and choppy/crappy responses.

1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 - in the book closest to you right now, what does it say?

Of course it's the longest paragraph in the chapter!

"Normally, Nancy would willingly have taught Jolene to prepare an entire turkey dinner; she felt it her duty to be available when younger girls came to her wanting help with their cooking, their sewing, or their music lessons- or, as often happened, to confide. Where she found the time, and still managed to "practically run that big house" and be a straight-A student, the president of her class, a leader in the 4-H program and the Young Methodists League, a skilled rider, an excellent musician (piano, clarinet), an annual winner at the county fair (pastry, preserves, needlework, flower arrangement) - how a girl not yet seventeen could haul such a wagonload, and do so without "brag," with, rather, merely a radiant jauntiness, was an enigma the community pondered, and solved by saying, "She's got character. Gets it from her old man." Certainly her strongest trait, the talent that gave support to all the others, derived from her father: a fine-honed sense of organization. Each moment was assigned; she knew precisely, at any hour, what she would be doing, how long it would require. And that was the trouble with today: she had overscheduled it. She had committed herself to helping another neighbor's child, Roxie Lee Smith, with a trumpet solo that Roxie Lee planned to play at a school concert; had promised to run three complicated errands for her mother; and had arranged to attend a 4-H meeting in Garden City with her father. And then there was lunch to make and, after lunch, work to be done on the bridesmaids' dresses for Beverly's wedding, which she had designed and was sewing herself. As matters stood, there was no room for Jolene's cherry-pie lesson. Unless something could be canceled."

A beer on me to the first that can identify the book.

2. If you stretch out your left arm as far as possible, what are you touching?

If I were Stretch Armstrong, the wall. As I am not, just a pillow on the couch and a PS2 controller.

3. What's the last program you watched on TV?

Reruns of Scrubs last night.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.

9:18pm (man, one minute off!)

5. Aside from the computer, what can you hear right now?

Wife tearing up junk mail, David Caruso on a TV commercial.

6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?

For actual most recent, emptying the trunk of the car. For an extended period where I actually did something outdoor-sy? Yesterday, watching the barn-burner that was the ACC Championship football game. A scramble to see who could finish worst. Tech won in that respect.

7. What are you wearing?

Jeans, Timberland hiking shoes and a gold Tech hoodie.

8. Did you dream last night? If you did, what about?

I never remember my dreams. I think it means I'm schizophrenic. Sometimes, I realize I'm dreaming and I tell myself to remember what I dreamed about but it never works. Whatever it was, it was probably retarded.

9. When was the last time you laughed?

There was probably a time or two yesterday but I don't remember what it was about. It probably involved talking trash about Tech's sorry excuse for a quarterback.

10. What's on the walls, in the room you're in right now?

Our house is sad. All we have on the wall is a wreath and two candle-holder-thingy's (they have a name I can't recall). And our walls are HUGE! We are obviously very into material possessions.

11. Have you seen anything strange lately?

I probably ate it.

12. What do you think about this meme?

It's okay. I've seen worse, I've seen better. I was mostly just looking for an excuse to update my pathetic excuse for a blog.

13. What's the last film you saw?

The new Bond flick. Sorry, I had to figure out how to turn off underlined text there.

14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money?

To steal from Brian, mostly becuase it's retarded to retype pretty much the exact same thing. Except I'm taking out the part about giving some of it away, at least at first. I think I'm part Jewish.

"I would pay off all of my debts as well as those of my family. I would buy new cars for my wife and I, but not terribly fancy ones. We would travel a bit, but not all at once. I would probably quit my job, and start working towards figuring out how to open and operate a small brewery/brewpub, and when I felt confident I was ready to do so, do so. Sock the rest away and live off the interest if the brewery doesn't work out."

I think there's a reason B and I are good friends.

15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don't know.

Sometimes I go to bed without brushing my teeth. But only when I'm going up from passing out on the couch because it's too dark to find my way to the toothbrush without waking the wife. I'm sort of narcoleptic after 10 PM and I feel like total shit anytime I wake up before 5-6 hours of sleep and the thought of the taste of toothpaste in that state makes me sick to my stomach. This probably happens once a week.

16. If you could change ONE THING in this world, without regarding politics or bad guilt, what would it be?

I'm kind of inclined to say that I'd like to see easier to use public transportation. I met all sorts of cool people riding the train to grad school and it was so much fun riding the shinkansen in Japan. Of course, we're not stuck on a small island where everything is really close together.

17. Do you like dancing?

If I think it will get me laid.

18. George Bush?

Not a Republican. Of course, no Republican is these days. No, I don't long for the old days, because honestly I didn't give a rat's ass until the late 90's. I just don't understand how you can call yourself a conservative and not veto some of the shit that's come across that desk. His daughters seem fun.

19. What do you want your children's names to be, girl/boy?

Anything you say at Starbucks sounds pretty fancy for fancy-pants names. Mocha Frappucino. Venti Americano if I were Italian. Or I could just take cues from my family and do the traditional white trash names. Ty Ruger, Kyleigh, Bayleigh, Cody, Tyler.

20. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Does Montana count? I could do Canada or eastern Europe for the hockey alone.

21. What do you want God to tell you, when you come to heaven?

"How'd you get through security?"

or

"Dude, where's all of your stuff?"

22. Who should do this meme?

Anyone who likes it. Or just needs a good excuse to waste 20 minutes.

Beantown, Part 2

This is a long time coming. Hell, this trip was back in July, over the 4th holday. But I never finish anything in a decent amount of time so here it is, without further adieu. The second installation in the epic saga that was my journey to the heartland that birthed and mutilated the principles of our formerly excellent nation (and still somewhat excellent when compared to the Durkadurkastans).

The airport in Boston is straight up 70's. They haven't even tried to update the traffic flow around the place. You get on the rental bus and have about 17 stops before you start feeling that deja vu feeling all over again. Keep in mind this is all occurring while some 4 year old is staring you down for whatever reason and her infant sibling has fouled up the air with baby butt funk. Finally, we're at the rental station and are delighted to be the 14th or so customers in line. I suppose I should have been an asshole like the hip-hop gang banger that used the VIP line despite the fact that he wasn't a VIP member. He still got service before the other 12 of us that were in line already. But that's just not how I roll. Get the car, choice between a Chevy Whatever and a Subaru Something. US cars suck ass, give me the foreign jobby. Don't want to break down while we're in Hartford. Talk about hardcore gangstas?! You ain't seen shit til' 4 of em' wack ass ganstas walk out in front of moving traffic in downtown Hartford, Connecticut. Hartford be hard, bitches! No, seriously, I'm not kidding. But that's later in the trip. Hop in our rental ride and we up and out!

Welcome to Boston! That'll be three dollars.

See, to leave the airport, you have to use the Ted Williams tunnel. Yes, the one that caved in about 3 days after we left. Well, to enter the tunnel, you have to pay a $3 toll. Um, excuse me, but didn't I already throw my tax dollars into this hole? If I remember correctly, that was the largest public works project in history and it was largely funded with federal tax dollars. That's partially my money, ass. And you want three more of my dollars? Talk about squeezing blood from a stone.

Nice drive into town. In a tunnel. For a new project it looks like the airport, tiles and lighting making it look all 70's style. It's almost impossible to avoid imagining a movie-like scene happening to you where you come around the curve to find that water is rushing towards you at breakneck speed and you have no choice but to either drown or get shot out of a ventilation shaft a la Die Hardest (aka Die Hard With a Vengeance).

Getting around town was no easier. We were meeting my brother-in-law in town for lunch at his office in the financial district. We tried to follow his directions, but that went about as well as casting Keanu Reeves to play former president Jimmy Carter as Keanu is way too smart for that role. One wrong turn on an unmarked road in a construction area and we're left to luck to find our way to the right place as our map pretty much turned out to be useless with all of the rerouting. Apparently they're still working on the Big Dig but somehow the dig has ended up on the surface streets. Regardless, several blocks later, we figured out a way out of the quagmire because the street we were supposed to end up on after 3 or 4 turns turned out to be directly ahead on the right. "Where the hell is the parking deck he was talking about?" Oh, well, here's one that's kind of close. And twice as expensive! $30 max. after 4 hours. Super.

Meet up with the brother-in-law. Walk 4-5 blocks down to Faneuil Hall area for lunch at about 11:30. Too early for lunch everyone tells us(first 2 places, at least). Find a Tex-Mex place that seems surprised at our "early" arrival but still manages to seat us and feed us nachos and beer almost immediately to boot.

After lunch, we head out for the train while lil' bro heads back to work. But, he gave us his train pass so we only need to buy tokens for one of us. Head over across town to some museum that a high society lady put together back in the day. Nice place, but a little too dark to see some of the more interesting pieces. They had a Rembrandt and some other masterpiece stolen several years ago by some clever crooks that dressed as policemen, showed up at like 3 AM stating the alarm had gone off, tied up the security guards and cut the paintings from the frames and took off like the bandits they are. It was a nice museum and especially nice compared to the gallery style museums that I was accustomed to. And the fact that it was more of a personal collection than a wholly-planned exhibit made it so that you got to sample a little bit of a bunch of different styles. A seven-course feast for the eyes, so to speak.

Headed back into town, got suckered into visiting Filene's Basement where I then got suckered into buying a new blue sportcoat. My other one ended up with a hole in the sleeve somehow, either by cigarette or candle or something that burns. But hey, got a great deal on a Nautica sportcoat, if it's not a fake. Picked up a nice teapot as a gift for the brother-in-law and his wife to go with the Asian dinnerware we got them back at Christmas. Wifey didn't believe me that it'd match, but she underestimates my rather useful superpower of visual memory and my otherwise useless superpower of color matching.

Ended the day at a pretentious Italian restaurant. It was like eating out in Buckhead but with white people. Decent food, decent wine, indecent prices. And no one told me not to eat the green stuff out of the lobster's shell. It looked edible. Eww, nasty!

Overall, it was an exciting excursion into "not Atlanta." There aren't too many places that aren't more interesting than "the ATL" assuming that no more than 37 people were shot, raped, murdered or otherwise assaulted on a given day in Atlanta.

That's more than enough to read for now. Tune in likely sometime in November for the next installation. Maybe sooner, but that's just how I roll.

Like They Need More Encouragement

Now they have a Wheaties box.