How NOT to Make White Cake

A little behind, mostly due to the holiday and a new project.

About two weeks ago, two girls at the middle school directly across the street decided they would bring a cake to school. But this wasn't just any ordinary cake apparently. Unconfirmed analysis says the secret ingredient was bleach.

From a Philadelphia ABC affiliate:

The father said the two girls began playing around in the kitchen the night before the incident after growing bored.

"It was not any kind of malicious intent," he said. "They thought it would be funny. They know it's not funny now."

The father said his daughter was diagnosed this summer with Asperger's syndrome, and that doctors told him the girl should not be in a conventional school setting. Asperger's is an autism-related condition characterized by social and communication deficiencies.

What the hell is wrong with the parents around here? "Oh, shit. My child did something completely and utterly stupid, not to mention harmful to others. It's only because of a disorder!" Here's the disorder. You didn't do your job as a parent. Even if you had her diagnosed with some rare and unlikely syndrome, you didn't follow doctor advice that she not be in a "conventional school setting." Does that mean you didn't believe them or were you just storing that one in the "break in case of emergency" bank when she did something even people with an IQ of less than 60 wouldn't do? "They thought it would be funny." What kind of sick, totally twisted sense of humor does this middle school kid have? Didn't you take a hint that time she stuck a lighter up the cat's ass?

It seems like our excuses for not rearing our children properly have degenerated into searching WebMD for the latest, greatest mental disorder. At least he was slightly original and didn't blame it on ADHD.

Name that school!

In a staff e-mail from yesterday:

Please help make the staff and community aware that several new school-naming committees will begin their work this month. Recommendations for naming Northwest Middle and West Cobb Middles schools are welcome.

As a reminder Rule FDC, which can be accesssed on the CCSD website, governs the naming of schools.

The public is invited to submit names for new schools no later than Friday, December 17, 2004.

Apparently "Directional County" isn't descriptive enough anymore.

Any suggestions?

We're supposed to be scared?

Funny that Walter Williams writes about this topic on a day when I've already been thinking about it.

Walking down the hall today, a colleague witnessed as a male student pushed a female student as they were walking. My friend touched the "gentleman's" shoulder to get his attention order to request that he not repeat the incident. Before he could say anything, the guy blew up and said "Get your hands off of me!" My friend, an ex-Marine, obviously didn't take this lightly and I don't know exactly what he said in reply, but you can imagine. Then, the kid says, "Man, you're lucky I don't stick you." What?!? Stick him? As in with a knife or something? I prefer to think it was a homosexual advance, but what the hell? His response to being touched is to stab someone? Who in the world gave him the idea that this is an appropriate way to solve a problem? I'm not even saying my colleague was right, but to stab someone? That's pretty severe.

If I were in the situation, I'd have requested that he actually follow through with his threat. That way, assuming he didn't hit anything vital, I would likely qualify for worker's comp, while I'm laying up in the hospital talking to my lawyers about how much money I'm suing this kid and his family for. Hell, I might actually make a decent take-home for the year after all is said and done. I might make it up to the ranks of minimum wage! Sweet!

Now That's Accountability!!

Supposedly, this is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

Apparently, this is the actual answering machine message for the school:

"Hello! You have reached the automatic answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff person, please listen to all your options before making a selection.

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To swear at staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort ... hang up and have a nice day!"

Asshats!

I feel like I'm a moderately intelligent guy. A little research usually clears things up a little and I'm able to come to pretty decent conclusions in most cases. But when I started searching for answers to some simple questions today, I really ended up with more questions than answers. Allow me to explain.

Let me start by referring to an AJC article that describes a request to save money by increasing science class sizes from 28 to 30 was approved by the GA Board Of Ed just yesterday. Supposedly, this saves our county alone $4 million, but I'd like to see figures on that one. First, they change the science standards and focus on a more hands-on approach, which I am in favor of. Then, a move that seems to hinder more than help teachers create more hands-on experiences is made. I guess that they heard the old saying and decided to 'want' and 'shit' in the SAME hand.

Apparently, the measure passed with a 7-6 vote. So, naturally, I wanted to know which district reps voted each way. This is where I got uber-confused. Upon further inspection, and I'm no trained professional on the subject of drawing district lines, but I think it fairly obvious that there may be just a wee bit of gerrymandering going on here. I mean, look at Districts 8, 11, 13, 12 and 1. They're the most obvious and account for almost half of the districts. Hell, our county is represented by at least three board members, and in no seemingly logical manner.

If my interpretation is correct, I think my rep voted against, but I can't really tell. I can't tell if I'm in District 11 or not and he's the only one in the area that voted 'yes.'

I thought it was hard to find enough room for 28 kids in here, but now I have to find room for 2 more in one class. Keep in mind that I've got mostly 11th graders and that they tend to be pretty big people by that age. And I just can't wait to do a lab with fire!

Back 2 Skool

Super, after Teacher Meeting Week (aka pre-planning), we finally started school again yesterday. Or as I tell everyone else, I have to go back to my "real job." My fun job was working for Sweetwater Brewing Company this summer. Unfortunately, Sweetwater Brewing Company doesn't pay enough to cover bills and student loans.

There is one thing to be said for being a moderately intelligent person. You can become a specialist in certain subjects, such as AP Chemistry and the robotics course that you developed so that you avoid getting stuck with what I like to call the sweathog classes. You know, the classes where they put kids who either are too stupid to really want to go to school or whose parents can't accept the fact that their kid really will not be successful in a real post-secondary environment. I say "real" because there are probably quite a few Devry schools UGA where they wouldn't have too much trouble.

Typically, by now I'd already have a lot of funny stories to tell about some moron kid in my class. The problem is, this time I only have honors and AP classes. I guess being a boring blogger is highly preferable to spending my time trying to keep 28 kids under control so I can teach the 3-4 that actually give a shit.

So, to make it a little less boring, a past anecdote.

On the first day of my first teaching gig, upon telling the students that it was my first job, I get this one.

Student: "So here at [School X], teachers don't really assign homework all that often."

Me: walk to the board...saying "Repeat after me..." all the while writing "Crack is Wack" on the board

Guilt-free after all these years!

Maybe you had to have grown up in Georgia to appreciate this gem, but maybe not.

Gracious thanks to you, Walter Williams. Many gracious thanks.

Which British Band Are You?

Which British Band Are You?

I'm such a sucker for "personality" quizzes!

Freddie Keith, Take 2

Can reincarnation happen before you're dead?

Maybe they're right when they say history repeats itself. I just didn't expect it so quickly or in the immediate family.

Is it bad when you start comparing family members to one another? That might be cause for bad karma but I'll risk it anyway.

Is it bad when you can't learn from the mistakes of others? Maybe it's just too hard when you're caught up in the situation. Perhaps it requires being an outsider to make a decent, non-subjective observation or two.

What I'm trying to get to is that I think that my cousin is ending up exactly like my dad. I don't think it's intentional, just like I don't think my dad intentionally screwed up his life. It just kind of happened through some network in the decision making matrices encountered through life. It's easy to get lost in once you get off of a good path.

My poor cousin. I love the guy to death. We're practically brothers and pretty much grew up as such, despite the whole not having the same parents thing. I feel like I should have been there for him a little better than I have been lately. Stereotype modern-day love life. Falls in love, gets married, has a kid, gets divorced. Turns out she's with the ex-"best friend" now. Guy was always shady anyhow. Not that I blame him, just saying he was sketchy.

Well, that's the quick version of how to get to now. Same thing happened to my dad. Sort of. Perhaps in a slightly different order, but I digress. (I'm trying to say that the 'conceiving a kid' part might not necessarily be after the 'gets married' part but that's not abundantly clear) Then after the big D, the slide into the self-destructive decision-making process.

For my dad, it was a woman named Vicky. She had three kids, probably by different dads.

For my cousin, it's the new girl. (name withheld for whatever reason) She has three kids, definitely by different dads.

My dad, got married to the lady.

Cousin? Reportedly going to marry the girl. Haven't heard it from him, but from his brother.

My dad? Ended up with a second divorce.

Cousin? Who knows, but if the prophecy is holding true thus far...

I guess I could really care less what he does. It's his life, I'm not his father, blah blah blah, etc. But the one I worry about in this situation is my cousin's son. I'm just afraid that the same shit is going to happen with him that happened to me. The only thing is, he doesn't have a good mom to fall back on like I did.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's right. Like I said, I haven't been too good of a "brother" lately to really know all. I just know my gut feeling from my interactions with the new couple. All of this crap in my cousin's life started when a lot of new stuff was going on in my life. Starting a new job, getting married, getting a new house. We saw each other a lot when we played in a band together, but that broke up just a little before the proverbial feces hit the oscillator as well. I guess the drive time and all just finally got the best of me. It's not an excuse, just a reason.

I guess not growing up with real siblings, it's kind of hard for me to know what to do. What does the good brother do? Do they try to make sure the other one knows what they're getting into? Or do they just let it be and let time decide? Is it easier or better to be a dick upfront and be wrong, or to just keep your mouth shut and secretly think "see, I knew it!"?

Horsesh!t!!

compensation: (1) a 30-something buying an expensive sports-car; (2) a Democratic National Convention speech

Yeah, I know. Boring. Lame-o. The DNC. Why did I watch it? Really? I am lazy. Well, not really. I was washing the dishes and the remote was around the other side of the kitchen "island." You'd have to know my house to understand, I guess. Can you really call it lazy when I was cleaning, though? Do those two acts cancel each other out? Washing dishes and not going around to change the channel? Eh, it was just background noise and anger is really good when channeled into a dishrag.

My main observation is that Mrs. E. and her precious husband seemed to go on and on about only the things that the Dem party is weak on. Of course she had to spend most of her time touting their religion, and what a good church-going man her husband is, and how they go to church, and how they fear God, and... well, you get the point.

And him with his speeches about how tough he and his running mate, who by the way was in Vietnam, are. We're manly men! Look at our penises! Men! We're going to bring in other nations when we take over shit and by-golly, they're going to like us. They're really going to like us! Look at me, I'm just so gee-golly darned cute!

Rich people? You've been bad! We're going to take your money and give it to other people who deserve it more than you do. Come on, it's not like you worked to earn it! I'm sure you'll smile when John and John are on your doorstep to tag team 'dat azz. I'm so adorable!

And of course he had to talk about those people that need a "little help." You know the ones. The old people who forgot to save up a little so they could afford health insurance in their later years. Sorry, we didn't realize that stuff was going to cost money in the future. My bad! All of those starving kids all over the nation? We got you covered! Mommy and, if you're lucky, Daddy won't have to be responsible for taking care of you any more! We'll gladly do it! The mom having to work because her husband got called up from the Reserves. She wouldn't have to exchange goods and/or services for monetary compensation if he hadn't been called overseas for something he volunteered for. She could be sitting on her fat, lazy watching her stories instead of having to work. Isn't that what every wife/mother does? Noe of those other women have to work! Don't you worry, though! Voting for me and my pal John will ensure that "hope (aka your free lunch) is on the way!" Ain't I cute? And look, I can pronounce "ain't" right!

I'm sure the Republican convention will be just as amusing/infuriating. These things are all about looking good at what you really stink at. The RNC will probably have a lot of photo ops for Blacks and Hispanics to send the whole "see? Your people are Republicans, too!" message.

In the meantime, I go back to work next week (yay!, not). I guess I'll just have to pay the bills the old-fashioned way until next year. You know, by working.