Back 2 Skool

Super, after Teacher Meeting Week (aka pre-planning), we finally started school again yesterday. Or as I tell everyone else, I have to go back to my "real job." My fun job was working for Sweetwater Brewing Company this summer. Unfortunately, Sweetwater Brewing Company doesn't pay enough to cover bills and student loans.

There is one thing to be said for being a moderately intelligent person. You can become a specialist in certain subjects, such as AP Chemistry and the robotics course that you developed so that you avoid getting stuck with what I like to call the sweathog classes. You know, the classes where they put kids who either are too stupid to really want to go to school or whose parents can't accept the fact that their kid really will not be successful in a real post-secondary environment. I say "real" because there are probably quite a few Devry schools UGA where they wouldn't have too much trouble.

Typically, by now I'd already have a lot of funny stories to tell about some moron kid in my class. The problem is, this time I only have honors and AP classes. I guess being a boring blogger is highly preferable to spending my time trying to keep 28 kids under control so I can teach the 3-4 that actually give a shit.

So, to make it a little less boring, a past anecdote.

On the first day of my first teaching gig, upon telling the students that it was my first job, I get this one.

Student: "So here at [School X], teachers don't really assign homework all that often."

Me: walk to the board...saying "Repeat after me..." all the while writing "Crack is Wack" on the board

Guilt-free after all these years!

Maybe you had to have grown up in Georgia to appreciate this gem, but maybe not.

Gracious thanks to you, Walter Williams. Many gracious thanks.

Which British Band Are You?

Which British Band Are You?

I'm such a sucker for "personality" quizzes!

Freddie Keith, Take 2

Can reincarnation happen before you're dead?

Maybe they're right when they say history repeats itself. I just didn't expect it so quickly or in the immediate family.

Is it bad when you start comparing family members to one another? That might be cause for bad karma but I'll risk it anyway.

Is it bad when you can't learn from the mistakes of others? Maybe it's just too hard when you're caught up in the situation. Perhaps it requires being an outsider to make a decent, non-subjective observation or two.

What I'm trying to get to is that I think that my cousin is ending up exactly like my dad. I don't think it's intentional, just like I don't think my dad intentionally screwed up his life. It just kind of happened through some network in the decision making matrices encountered through life. It's easy to get lost in once you get off of a good path.

My poor cousin. I love the guy to death. We're practically brothers and pretty much grew up as such, despite the whole not having the same parents thing. I feel like I should have been there for him a little better than I have been lately. Stereotype modern-day love life. Falls in love, gets married, has a kid, gets divorced. Turns out she's with the ex-"best friend" now. Guy was always shady anyhow. Not that I blame him, just saying he was sketchy.

Well, that's the quick version of how to get to now. Same thing happened to my dad. Sort of. Perhaps in a slightly different order, but I digress. (I'm trying to say that the 'conceiving a kid' part might not necessarily be after the 'gets married' part but that's not abundantly clear) Then after the big D, the slide into the self-destructive decision-making process.

For my dad, it was a woman named Vicky. She had three kids, probably by different dads.

For my cousin, it's the new girl. (name withheld for whatever reason) She has three kids, definitely by different dads.

My dad, got married to the lady.

Cousin? Reportedly going to marry the girl. Haven't heard it from him, but from his brother.

My dad? Ended up with a second divorce.

Cousin? Who knows, but if the prophecy is holding true thus far...

I guess I could really care less what he does. It's his life, I'm not his father, blah blah blah, etc. But the one I worry about in this situation is my cousin's son. I'm just afraid that the same shit is going to happen with him that happened to me. The only thing is, he doesn't have a good mom to fall back on like I did.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's right. Like I said, I haven't been too good of a "brother" lately to really know all. I just know my gut feeling from my interactions with the new couple. All of this crap in my cousin's life started when a lot of new stuff was going on in my life. Starting a new job, getting married, getting a new house. We saw each other a lot when we played in a band together, but that broke up just a little before the proverbial feces hit the oscillator as well. I guess the drive time and all just finally got the best of me. It's not an excuse, just a reason.

I guess not growing up with real siblings, it's kind of hard for me to know what to do. What does the good brother do? Do they try to make sure the other one knows what they're getting into? Or do they just let it be and let time decide? Is it easier or better to be a dick upfront and be wrong, or to just keep your mouth shut and secretly think "see, I knew it!"?

Horsesh!t!!

compensation: (1) a 30-something buying an expensive sports-car; (2) a Democratic National Convention speech

Yeah, I know. Boring. Lame-o. The DNC. Why did I watch it? Really? I am lazy. Well, not really. I was washing the dishes and the remote was around the other side of the kitchen "island." You'd have to know my house to understand, I guess. Can you really call it lazy when I was cleaning, though? Do those two acts cancel each other out? Washing dishes and not going around to change the channel? Eh, it was just background noise and anger is really good when channeled into a dishrag.

My main observation is that Mrs. E. and her precious husband seemed to go on and on about only the things that the Dem party is weak on. Of course she had to spend most of her time touting their religion, and what a good church-going man her husband is, and how they go to church, and how they fear God, and... well, you get the point.

And him with his speeches about how tough he and his running mate, who by the way was in Vietnam, are. We're manly men! Look at our penises! Men! We're going to bring in other nations when we take over shit and by-golly, they're going to like us. They're really going to like us! Look at me, I'm just so gee-golly darned cute!

Rich people? You've been bad! We're going to take your money and give it to other people who deserve it more than you do. Come on, it's not like you worked to earn it! I'm sure you'll smile when John and John are on your doorstep to tag team 'dat azz. I'm so adorable!

And of course he had to talk about those people that need a "little help." You know the ones. The old people who forgot to save up a little so they could afford health insurance in their later years. Sorry, we didn't realize that stuff was going to cost money in the future. My bad! All of those starving kids all over the nation? We got you covered! Mommy and, if you're lucky, Daddy won't have to be responsible for taking care of you any more! We'll gladly do it! The mom having to work because her husband got called up from the Reserves. She wouldn't have to exchange goods and/or services for monetary compensation if he hadn't been called overseas for something he volunteered for. She could be sitting on her fat, lazy watching her stories instead of having to work. Isn't that what every wife/mother does? Noe of those other women have to work! Don't you worry, though! Voting for me and my pal John will ensure that "hope (aka your free lunch) is on the way!" Ain't I cute? And look, I can pronounce "ain't" right!

I'm sure the Republican convention will be just as amusing/infuriating. These things are all about looking good at what you really stink at. The RNC will probably have a lot of photo ops for Blacks and Hispanics to send the whole "see? Your people are Republicans, too!" message.

In the meantime, I go back to work next week (yay!, not). I guess I'll just have to pay the bills the old-fashioned way until next year. You know, by working.

37,260 : 133,784,560

I played poker last night with some buddies. We get together, $5 buy-in that lasts quite a while. None of us are in any position to play with much more and I never understood how playing with more money was supposed to be better or "more fun." I suppose there is that whole "win more" possibility, but there's that whole "lose more" part, too.

Late in the evening, I was trying to either win big, or lose big. I had about $4 of my original $5 at this point. In one hand, I get a pocket spade 3 and heart 5. Oh, why not? Sucky cards, but maybe I'll get lucky with the straight.

On the flop, the 2-3-4 of hearts all come up. Now I have 4/5 for a straight flush. I stil have to admit, the probability of the A or 6 in the next two cards sort of sucks. Why not? 50 cents!

Next card down is something not helpful. Still one card? Crappy odds, but it's going to cost you $1. One person stays in. I really have nothing else in my hand if one of those two cards I need or antoher to make a pair comes up, so thus far, I've bought the pot.

Last card... the A of hearts. All in! $2 and change. Dude wimped out, mostly because 4/5 of a straight was showing on the table. I don't blame him. Typically, I wouldn't show what I had if I won like that, but we're totally not professionals and the probablity of getting that hand again anytime soon is really freakin' low.

I was up a few bucks late in the evening and I had to drive a friend home who actually had to go to work today. First, I was trying to lose and not succeeding. Then the luck ran out and a few big hands sent me home with nothing. But I don't feel too badly about losing. 5+ hours of entertainment for $5? Hell that's cheaper and longer than the matinee these days.

Extreme Makeover!!

Enjoy the new look. I don't know how "appropriate" it is, but it looks way cooler than the old scheme.

Now with comments!!

Your low-carb alternative to those other blogs!

Why I Don't Have Kids

At Mother's Day, my grandmother offered a very scary suggestion. She simply stated that perhaps next year my wife would be a mother. So, I've started a list of exactly why that is probably unlikely, barring some sort of huge accident.

Reason #1
I'm selfish. Sorry, but I didn't spend all damn day studying for 5 years during college to spend all damn day cleaning up and caring for a rugrat. There's much to be done and shit to be seen before I start seeing the shit in the diaper.

Reason #2
Every family gathering has turned into the most effective form of birth control imaginable. Forget the pill, we use feuding ex-es, screaming undisciplined children, and general overall white trashdom. It's pretty bad when the only person you want to talk to at family gatherings is your mother and she's too busy acting as a parent to the 10 or so kids that don't belong to her. The worst part is she's way better at it and she's hasn't been practicing for years.

Reason #3
I get my daily dose of parenting at work for 4/5 of the year.

Reason #4
My father. I don't want anything going on in my life that gives him any reason to want to be a part of it again. The last straw was not coming to my wedding.

Reason #5
I'm not ready to be "those people." You know, the ones with the obnoxious kids at the restaurant, or the ones with the kids who talk during the entire movie, even if it is just crappy ol' Shrek 2. They probably don't even realize how obnoxious it is, it's probably much worse at home.

To be continued...perhaps...

Censored, For Your Protection

It'd be nice if people would actually read once in a while. More specifically, if we'd read the document that our nation was founded upon. Even more specifically, the part that was added so that they could get enough signatures. You remember, right? The Bill of Rights? The first ten amendments? To be overly blatant, the very first amendment? If you don't know what I'm talking about, perhaps you have graduated or will graduate from one of our nation's finest public schools.

Seems some jackass who probably barely made it through the system and then probably went on to pursue a post-secondary degree in physical education is making the decision that a very basic tenet of maintaining democratic principles in our nation is not applicable within the halls of the school that he presides over. The principal has decided that poetry is not allowed at his school because of a student poem that criticized the war in Iraq and the "No Child Left Behind" policy of the current US administration. I'm not saying I agree with the girl, I don't even know what she wrote and I'm not against the war, but give me a break! I guess we should amend the Constitution to read "free speech unless Gary Tripp, high school principal, doesn't like it."

Small minds running the exact institutions of learning that are supposed to be contributing to making people not small-minded? Even as I look at the schools in my area, the same types of people are running the majority of the schools. I don't understand. I guess it all comes down to where you have friends. Or perhaps you were a state championship winning coach or something. Who knows?

I'd be honored if I weren't offered a renewal contract from the likes of Gary Tripp.

White Trash Wedding

Billy Idol never sang about this one.

First, it's not a first wedding. Oddly that goes first. Cousin's wedding. Won't get too particular so I don't get sued. Didn't want to go, figured I'd just go to the third.

Second, male processional accompanied by country tune on stereo boombox. I didn't even know they had male processionals. Much less one that played for 3-plus minutes when it takes 10 seconds to walk out a side door and stand up front. Awkward wait follows.

Third, being given away by 3-yr old child from the first marriage. Asked him if he'd "give this woman in marraige." He says "no." Grimaces of pain from holding back maniacal laughter quickly ensue.

Fourth, catering by ex-step-mom-in-law. If that relation makes any sense to you, you'd probably understand why I stuck to third-party wedding cake.

Fifth, redneck friends royally f-up brand new Boxy Monstrosity SUV. This includes hiding sardines somewhere unknown, maybe under one of the many car seats, and pouring bubble solution in AC vents. When asked why, simple response of "so it'll blow bubbles when they turn it on."

Yay, maybe I can have this much fun on my next first weekend without school-related extracurricular events.