tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58521482009-10-23T23:00:10.661-05:00A forum for random wisdom scented with cerebral flatulationchrisnoreply@blogger.comBlogger201125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-47526390655642110502009-08-26T22:29:00.002-05:002009-08-26T23:09:17.645-05:00

I keep missing out on government handouts. I think this means that I'm the benefactor instead. I only like using that word because it was in Great Expectations, which I didn't much like but seems to have stuck in my head along with a mental image of Miss Havisham in an old, worn out wedding dress.Speaking of old and worn out... It seems that I haven't had a "hoopty" since I graduated college. My

chrisnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-16885301946117588402009-02-27T09:50:00.003-05:002009-02-27T09:51:49.727-05:00

My wife and I were dutifully subjecting ourselves to the annual rectal exam known in technical lingo as a 1040 this past Sunday. As you go through H&R Block's online tax preparation (let's face it, filling out the actual forms requires multiple Ph.D.s in finance so you have to pay for some help), you discover all sorts of new gems every year. But one this year was by far my favorite.The

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-29016300133373677582009-01-23T11:27:00.004-05:002009-01-23T15:08:47.261-05:00

A terrifying trend has become more apparent to me in recent months. I have been aware that our culture embraces mediocrity in a futile and misguided attempt to create "fairness." In other words, to let the meritless achieve more than they normally would while those with the credentials and talent are brought down a notch or two. Somehow this is seen as a justice and equality rather than the

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-26647643172426083362008-12-30T12:22:00.002-05:002008-12-30T12:29:33.132-05:00

I posted a week or two ago about the latest Atlanta mishap regarding no-knock warrants. In that post, I referenced a story about intruders posing as police to "disarm" residents that I couldn't find. I should have known that all I would need to do is wait another week or two for a similar story.Link to story here.We need to end this no-knock warrant nonsense. How hard is it to secure a property

chrisnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-29530786095110903532008-12-11T09:05:00.002-05:002008-12-11T10:18:31.341-05:00

It's just before 10 AM. You're sitting in your home office, relaxing in your PJs, having a cup of coffee. Your significant other and your 3-month old baby are quietly sleeping down the hall. You just thought to yourself how nice it is to be able to work from home on occasion because it's difficult to tear yourself away on some days then it's back into responding to that important e-mail.BOOM!

chrisnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-57116891128497158002008-12-06T08:50:00.005-05:002008-12-06T12:04:50.557-05:00

The Coasters had a kitschy hit in 1958 and if you grew up watching television in the late 80's, the heyday of Time-Life Music collections, then chances are that you heard the chorus of this song at least once. "Yakety yak! Don't talk back."The whole basis of Yakety Yak is to list the chores for a particularly sassy teenager along with the consequences for not doing them. An excerpt lyric:If you

chrisnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-79901476028609524492008-12-04T02:04:00.002-05:002008-12-04T02:14:16.881-05:00

Among other news that affects our lives very little, Auburn fired their coach.Because of one rough season? Really? So they lost in a rout to the #1 ranked cross-state rival Alabama. A lot of others have as well (see also UGA vs. Alabama, Clemson vs. Alabama, God vs. Alabama, etc.). One loss in seven years is grounds for a firing? Give me a break. And good luck finding someone that feels like

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-1112318701110651532005-03-31T20:16:00.002-05:002008-11-25T11:25:50.576-05:00

This probably isn't legally binding, but I just want it out there.From this day forward, if I am in a unrecoverable catatonic state from some catastrophic health problem, it is time for you to move on. Pull the plug. I will be tired of wasting resources that would be better utilized running a lamp for some 10 year old to keep reading his Harry Potter book or feeding the body of the leukemia

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-28800558302085392182008-11-25T10:16:00.003-05:002008-11-25T11:09:42.432-05:00

It's that time of year again. We are drawing nearer the end of another college football season as Thanksgiving rings the dinner bell and sets off many of the sports rivalries across the nation. And here I am with my attempt to extend the rivalry between my alma mater's Yellow Jackets and the cross-state University of Georgia Bulldogs.UGA fans will try to tell you that the Georgia Tech "Bees" are

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-67381403314547164642008-11-20T23:27:00.003-05:002008-11-20T23:30:21.987-05:00

From the looks as of late, it seems like cnn.com should get a second domain name. How about ObamaCentral.com? Or EverythingObamaAllTheTime.comOr WhatIsTheUSPresidentElectUpToRightNow.comOr ObamaJustTookAPoop.comYes, I could really do this all day long. But I won't.ObamaJustTookAdvantageOfTheBenefitsOfInhalingOxygenMolecules.comOk, had to get one more in. I'm really done now.

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-82920461355803513092008-11-13T08:46:00.004-05:002008-11-13T09:32:27.185-05:00

When I was growing up, my mother got one point across to me early on in my childhood. Actions have consequences. My actions then were sometimes likely to end with me having a stinging, red behind. Now it seems like the actions of others are leaving me with a stinging, red behind.I had a huge problem with our Federal government deciding how it's citizens should pick and choose winners and losers

chrisnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-22587350228597830362008-11-05T17:04:00.005-05:002008-11-05T17:26:58.363-05:00

Ah.The election season, which is about two years long now, is finally coming to a close. Except here in Georgia where we have a Senate runoff because of a tenth of a percent of voters. So here we look forward to having four more weeks of the nastiest campaign ads that we'll ever see, at least for about four more years. Maybe two depending on how hot and contested the mid-term elections get. Or

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-54626123458831483392008-11-04T09:11:00.003-05:002008-11-04T09:28:59.249-05:00

Is 'historical' even a word? It is in the dictionary but it still sounds wrong. "Historic" makes sense to me. Adding the '-al' at the end just sounds made up. It's not. Like I said before, it is in the dictionary. Doesn't mean I have to like it.Anyhow... is this really the most "historic election" in history of all known history for historians? I disagree. Different? Milestony? (I can make up

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-39617008845982647892008-10-03T16:57:00.004-05:002008-10-03T17:14:22.557-05:00

Anyone else feeling like they just got screwed by 263 people?Interesting to note that the Dow actually dropped when the bailout was passed.Oh well, vote against 'em if you can.

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-9033821199355585682008-10-01T20:48:00.002-05:002008-10-01T21:15:06.362-05:00

My wife is brilliant. And in accordance she had a brilliant insight that she shared with me this evening regarding the bank bailout bill. It was so cleverly simple that I'm frankly surprised that I haven't come across the concept yet. Don't get me wrong. Someone has probably had the idea already. I just haven't seen it. And judging by my readership (I make the AJC look good), I'm not likely

chrisnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-7740917322647248092008-09-30T16:28:00.010-05:002008-09-30T17:52:01.436-05:00

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."  -Bertrand RussellYesterday sent the best news we've had in months.  It's good to see that sometimes the system works, at least when people respond in substantial quantity to make elected officials fear either: a) losing their job, or b) showing their face in town back home.  What better way to

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-6774833887827195452008-09-26T13:28:00.003-05:002008-09-26T14:20:30.250-05:00

I'm not a big conspiracy theorist, but this mess is getting absolutely ridiculous. I've taken statistics and did pretty well in it. So, what are the odds of the entire bag of feces hitting the oscillator right near the end of an election cycle? Sorry, but I think that it was precipitated by the not-so-invisible hand. You know, the one that lives in D.C.?It seems like this all started when we

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-61949709831153988312008-09-23T21:51:00.004-05:002008-09-23T21:54:27.500-05:00

Sorry for all of you ladies who were moist for some Clay Aiken. It turns out that contrary to popular belief he prefers to play swords.I'm shocked. If you could see my face right now, you'd know what my shocked face looks like. Nah, that's just my you're a doofus if you thought Clay Aiken was straight face.

chrisnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-88311829105610174482008-09-17T16:29:00.006-05:002008-09-17T17:10:39.766-05:00

It's very difficult to turn on a television these days and not have the opportunity to participate first-hand in a democratic process.  Seemingly, the trend in the US seems to have stemmed from one of the first hit reality television shows, Survivor.  The participants voted which other participant would be selected to leave the island, effectively terminating their participation in the event.  

chrisnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-18872895824768050022008-09-13T00:20:00.002-05:002008-09-13T00:26:48.508-05:00

Thanks, retards. Mostly, thank you Governor. Thanks to you, the price of gas couldn't rise to the point where people consumed less and now we have artificial shortages. Thank goodness I filled up regularly on Wednesday.At $5/gal, some folks might decide they only need a half a tank until maybe the end of next week when gas prices might naturally go down.  Instead, it's all "Hey, it's still less

chrisnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-83331514512434628392008-09-12T14:37:00.006-05:002008-09-12T15:30:00.597-05:00

Most people that know me know fairly well that I like to brew my own beer. As of this week, I've also made my first batch of root beer. Yay me, right? Most people that know home-brewers also know that they like to make other stuff, too. For example, I also like to make desserts and bake homemade bread. But the obsession with creating stuff for most brewers doesn't stop in the kitchen. It also

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-40108640103686141702008-09-01T22:49:00.005-05:002008-09-01T23:09:05.250-05:00

People just don't get it when it comes to air. You can't see it, so it doesn't exist, right? No, wrong.If you're transporting large items in an open vehicle, like a truck, and you think there might be even the remote possibility that it might move in transit, strap it down. Strap it in well. The box spring in your open bed truck that is not even lying flat because of the crap underneath it,

chrisnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-51736796748821966262008-08-31T22:28:00.003-05:002008-08-31T22:55:33.711-05:00

Once again, my wife and I allowed ourselves to be pillaged for the "privilege" of being Georgia Tech season ticket holders. We do it because we love going to the games. It gives us an excuse to hang out enjoying the weather and good friends with good food and good beer. To be honest, we could spend as much as we do all season doing just one short trip to Orlando or any other tourist destination

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-34745148624213226142008-08-30T07:56:00.003-05:002008-08-30T08:00:52.724-05:00

I thought it would happen in my lifetime, but I never imagined it would happen this soon. It is truly amazing that our country will most likely elect a president that will either place a bi-racial man or a woman into the White House in January of 2009.How novel.

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852148.post-27129279715969479492008-08-15T07:34:00.002-05:002008-08-25T22:39:56.683-05:00

The new job took me to Cleveland, GA just a few weeks ago. I apologize for the delay in the update, but it's not like anyone is reading this regularly enough to matter anyhow.I woke up pretty early by today's standards and headed out towards Cleveland, GA where I was to train the middle school teachers of White County. I don't like surprises on the road so I always plan to arrive at least an

chrisnoreply@blogger.com0